


Part 1: Unlucky Survivors

by Empressing



Series: Blood Reign [1]
Category: Nitro+CHiRAL, Nitrochiral, Togainu no Chi
Genre: AU, Bad ending Au, Despair, Friendship, Love, M/M, Other, Rin and Nano are friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-22
Updated: 2018-07-24
Packaged: 2019-05-26 19:52:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15008183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Empressing/pseuds/Empressing
Summary: Shiki botches the executions of Nano and Rin. Shiki has stopped Nano's romancing of Akira halfway through as well. Rin and Nano then become entwined by joint misery and eventually becomes friends enough to take down Shiki's regime. Rin for glory, Nano to gain back Akira.





	1. Gift of Life

**Author's Note:**

> For a long time I have been wanting to create this AU, I happy to announce the first chapter of part 1!

Part 1: Unlucky Survivors  
Chapter 1: Gift of Life  
Rin  
From the moment I saw what he could make my brother feel I adored him. Not in the romantic way, not in the way I was attracted to Akira. But in the way that makes me wish I was part of him, a worthy contender to my brother. I wanted what he had that moment. I wanted to make Shiki afraid of me, but instead I watch from afar. Shiki the great had been a failure, I was alive. He had almost killed me, I thought I was dead. I woke up thinking I had been sent to hell to live out eternity in Toshima. I am alive, I must have laid there for days before waking up. After angrily awakening from what was supposed to be my final sleep, I limped around for a little bit. I heard Shiki’s voice, then Akira’s. I was prepared for Akira to witness my brother finishing the job. Then, a third voice: icy, no emotion and heavy. I dragged myself behind a nearby building to watch the scene. In my brother’s eyes, when he gazed at the man in the beige, I saw pure fear. I loved it. I could have swum in that, the closest thing to joy I had felt in a long while. I tried to fix my eyes to gaze at the face of the man in the beige. He was ghostly, pale and empty pale blue eyes. There was something very off about him. It was something I didn’t understand. I did not want to. A dialogue ensued, the man mocked Shiki; this included a laughter that chilled me to my bone. This man spat on Shiki’s very existence. I gazed down at my wound, his sword must have missed my vital organs by mere centimeters. Why had I survived? Was this the reason I live on? To watch Shiki become undone? Truly a sight worth seeing.  
I looked up to see fighting. The man in beige moved like he was on Line but did not behave as such. I wanted to know about him once more. I was disinterested in the fighting. I gazed at Akira, only stopping when my dead lover’s memory washed over me. Shiki cut my lover down, he had cut me down too and failed. Now I see this, was it possible my life had a purpose after all? I did not know, I had never been so confused before in my life. That is when a disgusting noise invaded my senses past the rain and the events of my life thus far.  
Shiki stabbed the man in beige.  
I felt myself get off my lust for life instantly. I had lived because a mistake had been made, just as I had thought. Then I saw him drink the man’s blood, I threw up a little, muffling my sound. The vomiting made my insides tremble and my throat burn. I felt a searing pain: the wound that had been trying to seal ripped open a bit and started to bleed. I fell against the building. I heard someone yell, “Nicole Premier” and “dead”. Was that the man in beige’s name? Was he dead? I felt that wasn’t right, but I also wasn’t prepared to argue with reality. I felt my heart break, I again wished to trade places with Nicole. If that was his name, that was his name, until I knew better. I wished for death. I gazed at Akira being taken away with Shiki, Shiki’s arms around his waist. I threw up and bled some more. It felt like Shiki was somehow walking away with my dead lover. I hated this, I hated that I was alive. I sat there thinking that I might die of thirst if I wait long enough. Then, just my luck, I spotted an old, muddy bag. I manage to slowly inch my way to it. One and half bottles of water. Probably the trash of a loser. I thought about the water for a moment. I rolled around whether or extend my life a few more days or not. I looked over the clearing where the man in beige’s body lay. It was a long shot, but if I could just get over there to observe the body, I could learn something. If my final resting place is to be next to this stranger, then so be it. I drank a bit of water, latch the bag to my belt to drag behind me. My crawl to the body was slow. I was dragging possibly infected, pinkish goo behind me. It was painful for me, I was going to die anyway so it did not matter.  
When I got there I looked at his face, he was foreign. I liked it on its own merits. I managed to get a look at the wound. His blood was purplish. Shiki had pierced all the way through him. I felt as though this unholy struggle, my curiosity yielded no results. Thus, I laid down and hoped that when my lids were able to finally close, I hoped that death was finally being granted.  
~  
When I woke up I was being dragged, I prompted up against something hard and my eye struggled to open. When I did, I saw… An apartment? What? Was this about to be a corpse fetish scene? That was until I saw the man in beige. Had he somehow managed to survive and drag us here? Or were our souls trapped in purgatory together? My thoughts were mud, that when his voice pierced through the murk like an icy dagger.  
“Even the most skilled swordsmen cannot defy destiny.”  
“What?” I croaked.  
“Our souls are indebted in this unfortunate gift of life.” Then silence, I didn’t need more words, I am alive and so is he. I hated this, I looked over at Nicole through blurry eyes. He looks like he is sitting and dressing his wound; he brought me here for his own sadistic pleasure to watch me die. He looks pale himself, I remember how powerful he is. Suddenly I don’t question the universe’s reasoning of this. I wonder why I hadn’t died of blood loss. The sword must have hit me in such a way that I bled a lot and had a gaping wound, but no major organs where actually damaged. I was busy being enraged at the fact that I would live to see more days when I see a flash of liquid. My eyes instantly open as my wound is set on fire with disinfectant. A scream escapes as I roll over on the ground, bashing my head against the dirty floor. I look up at him and yell,  
“What the fuck are you doing?!” Silence, I grit as I realize I will get nowhere. Then, with the most incredible force I have ever felt, he forces me on my back. My clothes are being cut away. I think I am being raped, but he only removes my top. He gives me the most painful lackluster wound stitching and wraps my abdomen with a large bandage. My body cannot comprehend all this pain. I end up taking it, wondering why it is happening. I open my mouth, but I am cut off.  
“If I do not get the pleasure, neither do you.” Nicole says in a tone that lets me be sure I am alive.  
But he is very weakly and slowly moving himself. I hate him for it, for this. Why was his body bouncing back so well? I hate him, I hate him, I hate him. This is an act of pure selfishness, why can’t this Nicole man end me? Why am I forced into this, what were his intentions? I am panicking, but unable to do anything about this. He is incredibly slow, and every movement almost has me howling. How did the powerful Shiki fail twice? Well, I am the real mystery, it is Nicole who makes more sense. I don’t know how, but his survival seems logical. That flicker of adoration in the clearing was unreal to me now.  
When he is done he leaves me to lay on the floor while he drags himself away to a different room. I don’t bother to ask where he is going, not that I’d get a straight answer anyways. I look down at my bandaged middle section with its subpar stitching job. I think of ripping it open, but I do not have the strength. I gaze up at the ceiling with dreary eyes. I am angry. I can feel my blood boil: I’m alive. I could have never seen this. How long were we out there? I don’t even know how the fuck Shiki didn’t even circle back around to see that our bodies were gone. Nicole must have used all that was left inside him from that day to crawl us back here. It must have taken ages. I did not really understand anything. And as ripples of pains washed over my body, I stopped trying to get it. I glanced around and saw a couch, I did not have the energy to get up and accept it’s invitation. This floor was not clean but definitely not the filthiest place. I would just have to keep from touching my wound or rolling over on my stomach. Not that those would even be options at this point. Nicole was silent in the darkness of the other room. He was probably asleep. He lacked emotions for the most part, but I could have sworn I saw a hint of color. I knew, based on the speech I heard, he was just as angry to be alive as I was. What would I do to escape Nicole? Well nothing, what would I do? Where would I go? Nowhere. I hated Nicole for this now. It was frivolous. My last attempt at not completely succumbing to the void inside of me. I wasn’t going to do anything to Nicole. Trying to kill him was futile and death would have been too sweet a treat. I could only gift him the same horrible gift he had given me, the gift of life. I did not know what our futures currently held. I couldn’t even think of it. The pain in my middle, the bitter rage of surviving a fucking sword attack of all things, and Nicole’s ever so cold punishment of life. I was being dragged through hell again. This time it was worse.  
The real salting of my wounds was seeing Shiki’s apparent affection for Akira, or rather, as much as Shiki could possibly feel romance for something else. A stretch to call it romance, I am not exactly the most emotionally sane person in the world, so ‘romance’ would have to do. Shiki had talked about attraction and possession. Akira’s likeness to my dead lover made me wish I was dead even more. Shiki had cut down my first love and all my friends. He had stolen everything from me. I wasn’t even aloud to gaze at the living ghost of my beloved without Shiki fucking destroying it. I felt I could have died a thousand times. It wasn’t that I loved Akira, it was that I could have seen myself falling for the guy. The wave of sadness was becoming my cradle for sleep. I couldn’t have been more thrilled to watch the world give away to the blackness of sleep.  
\------------  
I will spare myself the brain space of keeping track of the past 2-5 days. That is a large time gap, but nothing matters anymore anyways. I see Nano on again and off again through the days. He stares sometimes, but no words were ever exchanged. I needed a shower, I reeked of death. My own smell was beginning to repulse me. The movement I was able to move just a little I stood up, I almost fell over from being weak. I had been living off the bottles of water I had found next to me and inching to my bag to ration the food I had left in there. I winced and leaned against the wall to unwrap my wound. It wasn’t infected, a shocker. I looked at the bloody stitch mess. I had never felt so ugly, even though my whole life I had been told I was attractive. I felt my back. Something was strange, the ‘exit wound’ was just superficial. I guess Shiki hadn’t been lying when he coolly told me he was only going to do the bare minimum, as killing his own brought him no real pleasure. He hadn’t pierced me all the way through and apparently Nicole knew it too because there was only a patch of cotton and surgical tape covering it. It was healing up quicker than the front. Only the tip of my brother’s sword had pierced my back. He hadn’t stabbed me upwards either. He stabbed me between my liver and stomach through the back. I do not know how he botched it so bad. I had to dig through the disgusting mix of dirty bandages to find a clean one to wrap me up. I then began looking around for soap. The only soap I had ever witnessed was the scentless, hypoallergic white bars the government gave out as part of your ‘necessaries’. What I found when rifling through what little stuff he had was exactly what I expected. Those white bars of wartime misery. I turned on the sink, the water ran and so did the soft hum of the fridge. I undressed carefully cleaned myself, soaking the floor and counter with water. I wondered if he had a deodorant or a towel maybe it was just one of those oblivion things that came with being the most powerful thing on earth.  
I looked in his bedroom, he wasn’t there. At what point he had slipped away I didn’t know nor cared. He did have a view towels. 4 of them, two dirty one clean. As well as a small solid of body odor control in a tin. I saw some of his clothes. The guy towered over me, his spare clothes were too big but I decided it was fine for now. I had a small bundle of tightly packed spare underwear in my bag I had got just a little while ago. They were pricey but I had needed them. I opted to clean myself with one of the clean ones and make it last for a few days of reuse. I used one of the more dirty ones to mop up the water on the kitchen floor before throwing out in the trash, washing my hands and rewrapping my wound. I would have to use the bars and water to clean the towels later. I felt no guilt for using his shit. Nicole made me live and so now he would have to deal with me. I ignored my wound for long enough to get theses things done before succumbing again on the couch. That’s when I noticed the pain pills on the table which had been apparently been there the whole fucking time. I swallowed some with glee and hoped a side effect was sleep. I slipped on the fresh underwear and Nicole’s shirt which engulfed my body showing only my lower thighs and down. I wasn’t worried about it looking too raunchy. If Nicole had revered Akira enough to try to talk Shiki into handing him over, I was definitely not his type. He disliked me anyways because he had saved my life with spite laced in his words.  
After I had succumbed to sleep for a while, I awoke to the noise of the door creaking. I looked over to see Nicole’s return. He was back with a small sack of supplies, I guess. The door must have only made a noise when it swung inwards. Nicole looked at me, he honestly looked like he might speak for a moment before deciding that staring into me once again enough. I decided to fill the void with a cold hearted tone,  
“I am healing fine. I am sure that pleases you, Nicole. I took one of your skirts because my clothes are fucked.”  
“Nano.” He answered back.  
“What?”  
“Nano.” Oh, another name to call him by. I guess I couldn’t blame him for disliking being called ‘Nicole’ I’m sure it was like ripping open visages of his mind not even Shiki was strong enough to handle.  
“Fine, Nano.” His unfocused looked didn’t leave me as he threw the sack to the side. I had more to say, if not now, then never. “You wanted to die as much as I did. Congrats, fucker, I lived and so did you. I am afraid you are out of luck, because as much as I would love to bolt, I have absolutely fucking nothing outside of this shitty apartment. You will now just have to fucking deal with my existence until I can find Shiki again to finish the job for real.” He stared back and after a minute or so of silence, he spoke, slow and careful.  
“Spirits have intertwined, you will eventually come to see your reflection in me.” What the fuck? It felt like a threat but left me so dissatisfied I wanted to scream.  
“You’re a real headcase, Nano. I heard everything and everyone, I know what you are. Cut the shit.” He couldn’t have cared less about what I had to say. He merely gave me another vague response,  
“Calm your senses. They deceive you.” Great, I just got told to calm down by the most ridiculous guy ever. I wanted the last word,  
“Don’t tell me how to think and feel. You’re not god and you don’t know me.” He moved past me and into the room attached to the right side of the living room. It was a green room. The wetness that occasionally leaked from the bottom and the smell of dirt gave it away. He was gone. I was feeling shitty. That’s when I realized something. For Nano I wasn’t even trying to act or be cute. I have been engulfed by insanity, truly.  
\----


	2. Man in Beige

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter focuses on Rin dealing with his situation and learning to accepted Nano. This the friendship establishment chapter.

A few weeks passed of monotonous self-care. Nano had damn near healed up all the way, I had only healed enough to take out the stitches and move freely for the most part. Nano and I seldom spoke to each other. I had concluded I wasn’t pissed off at Nano wholly, it was Shiki’s fault I was alive. I waved the flames of grief, so I might have vengeance. Nano had gone out and traded Line for some clothes. How he knew to do that but not how to open a nutrition bar is beyond me. The Line was his deluded blood and I was horrified yet couldn’t look away when I watched him make it. He came back with a sack and tossed it down. There were books and clothes. I have chosen a red tee shirt and plain black pants today. Nano hadn’t exited his room all day. I decided to check on him for whatever reason. He was laying, staring in the dark at the ceiling, half dressed. He turned his head to me. I spoke to him, 

“Look you and I have fallen into a fate worse than death. But, there is no use in my anger. Anger leads to bloodlust and I’m not stupid enough to try to attack you. I know you’d mangle me, but not kill me.” Nano seemed focused, “If we are to achieve anything we have to at least try to get along.” Suddenly, I began to pour it out. “Look when I saw that look on Shiki’s face when you spoke I admired you…. Shiki is my half-brother you see. Nothing ever made him afraid and he made my life a living hell. But you were different, I was in awe. I was both afraid and charmed. I know you will never tell me anything more than what I heard that woman and Shiki say. But, trust me when I say I am trying to understand.” Nano slowly sat up before asking me something,   
“Why are you so genuine? With such raw feeling?” He stared a hole into my pupils.

“It’s because I know I can’t achieve anything, you will just see right through me. I’m weaker than my brother, you knew it all right from seeing me.” Nano stood and walked over like the apparition he is. He then gently placed his hand on my head and patted me like I was small child. He didn’t even seem to care that I saw him like this. I wonder if I had gotten him to trust me by not attacking him the moment he was off guard. Why I didn’t attack him is a feeling that can only be described as a mix of fear and enchantment. That was the reason I was able to channel my anger back to Shiki, the one I hated most. Nano wasn’t the demon of this story, he was. Nano hadn’t prevented me from dying, Shiki did. Nano merely did what he did because he saw it as the only way he wouldn’t have to face his fate alone. An act of total desperation. He saw something in me that was more than ‘cute’, ‘crazy’ or ‘fuckable’. It was something that felt almost nice. Almost. 

“You have a glimpse of what I feel. But it is still grains of sand.” I got it, I didn’t need to think about it anymore. It was just too torturing to repeatedly to replay that day in my mind. I was anger and bitter, but as of right now that wouldn’t give me what I wanted. I had to focus on the immediate circumstance. I looked Nano in the eyes, then looked away when I felt his otherworldly gravity pulling me into the ocean of his suffering. “In your face I see hints of the fool. I feel some fortune when you respond with the humility he lacks.” I knew Shiki and I had similar faces, after all, we were from the same womb. The same round eyes and similar slightly feminine nose. Shiki’s jaw was stronger than mine. He was born albino, sure he permanently dyed his hair black to cover it, though. But when I was kid I had a memory of his red eyes and ghostly white self-staring at me in the darkness, telling me if I told mom what he had done to the annoying neighbor, he’d cut my left eye out. 

Mom had me after she left Shiki’s father because he was an abusive prick. It explained why Shiki was so cruel and sociopathic. She had eagerly hopped into bed with some fucking Russian who quickly up and left the moment she told him she was pregnant. This also explains the way he treats Akira, the same way his father treated our mother. I was glad my mother was able to nurture humanity into me without an idiotic boyfriend to get in the way. It prevented me from being like Shiki. I used to mind not having a father around, but eventually I got over it after I realized I was better off just being raised by my mother. It didn’t really fuck with me the way it did with a lot of people. Shiki filled the void of older male figure anyways. And his garbage was just as good as job as any boyfriend mom might have had would have done. It was weird, Shiki would do nasty things and play cruel jokes on me. Yet, if anyone else tried to fuck with me as a child he would claim me as his flesh and blood. Our personalities were a bit similar, but Akira had put it ‘there is some of him, but not enough for it to noteworthy’. Oh, Akira sure does know how to charm the boys. 

I had become so lost in thought that I hadn’t even noticed Nano had put all his clothes on and was now waiting for me to move out of the frame of the door. I mindlessly move out of the way, still hazy with thoughts. I take a moment before jumping into reality again, I have to go on a supply run. I am almost out of food and water. He walked into the green room, I feel the need to tell him where I am going for some reason. I fear I am developing a strange attachment to Nano. I can’t be bothered to fight it, this isn’t a hostage situation. I am willingly staying with him. I follow him in there and bother him for a moment,   
“I am going to get food and water, you got something on you for trade? Tags?” Nano blinks at me for a moment before standing, disappearing and coming back with a small sack. I hear glass clinking within the bag, I know what it is. “No, I can’t, I know the Line comes from you, but I can’t spread drugs.” Nano holds it out, “I said I can’t.” 

“Why does it matter? You have nothing better.” He was right, I didn’t have anything better. The part about it not mattering didn’t sit right with me. I knew it was his attitude. Nano created Line so he could revel in madness, he just figured I shouldn’t care just as much. It didn’t affect me. “Why?” he says again.   
“Look morally this is wrong….” It came out of my mouth like the whisper of a dying child. I was clinging to any shred of humanity I had left inside me. 

“There is no place for that in your life anymore.” Was he saying that, since I chose to stay with him, despite always being able to leave, that I wasn’t moral anymore? I guess he believed I was sleeping with the enemy by sharing space with him. I didn’t see him as evil or good, he is both a victim and the chaotic mastermind. I always flip flop on my feelings towards him. I got the feeling this wouldn’t change anytime soon. 

“There is a place! Don’t say that. I know I am not as great in your eyes as Akira, but at least accept I’m not a drone to project yourself onto! I know our experiences are similar in a way that most will never know…But that means you should have some fucking respect for me! I know you despised Shiki, but I’m not him! I am Rin and I have fucking morals. I’” Nano set the bag of Line down and stared at me while I huffed for a few minutes. “That’s another thing, your self-righteous hatred for Shiki? You will never hate him as much I do! I fucking swear, Nano! I fucking swear!” I felt the blood rush through my body as the horrible fucking shit ran through my mind. 

“Rin…” He said softly, “Your name is Rin.” It was in that moment I realized he’d never actually heard my name before. “I have seen you before, with the flashing.” The flashing? Oh, the camera, I guess if Shiki was starting so much shit with Nano, I’m not surprised Nano eventually saw me. It was a mystery how I never saw him though. “Your morals…they are skewed…you did not value your life. You are an active seeker of death…” Great, he was doing this again, I got ready for the ages it would take for him to finish his point. “I saw you, taking pictures, for nothing…I also saw you cut down many people….so able yet lacking real confidence…beating people with no regard whether or not they would die…yet my blood seemingly offends you. How many times have you see glimpses of me and did not even know it?...Countless….” It wasn’t the blood that was offensive and I never actually killed anyone in Igura. I just beat them until they were unconscious, or they cried uncle and declared me the winner. “You have come across so many of the wicked…surely those that perceive themselves as good would resist drugs, like yourself….it is only the true wicked that answer the siren’s call.” Oh, he was trying to convince me. “People are not made good or evil, it is all in the decisions of yourself.” Did he seriously believe drugs couldn’t turn good people bad? He was wrong, that Keisuke guy was a good guy until he got hooked on Line.

“You’re wrong, I’ve seen so many good people completely flip because of Line. And the moment they got off, they went back to being good.” 

“Deception.” 

“It’s not deception, it’s the truth! I understand the world, I didn’t spend my fucking life in a lab.” If he was cold hearted enough to suggest I was immoral for playing Igura, I was happy to jab him right back. He just stared at me, then he took control again, 

“Take the pieces of me I have offered or continue to suffer for moral vanity.” Then he walked away, leaving me frustrated and wound up. I snatched the bag from the floor and shoved the whole thing in my pouch, fuck I needed a new one. I went through my old clothes and was able to gather some left-over tags. I hoped it would be enough. I exited the apartment, for the first time in weeks. When I felt the air, I had never before been grateful for population for all things. The smell was freeing, I didn’t feel like I was dragging behind death for the first time in weeks. I was still fuming from Nano, but I could blow it off. The misery didn’t and wouldn’t go away. I felt the creak of the steps below me end as I contacted the gravely ground. This apartment building was a dead zone. How it was functioning with electricity and running water was something I didn’t have a need to think about. The dead silence never failed to be spooky, but I had grown used to it. After all, anybody else that maybe had been living in the building wasn’t on the same floor nor above or below Nano’s apartment. Anybody fighting would have not been heard by me, due to the apartment’s position. And Nano wasn’t a talker, occasionally he made sounds while he slept, or we would have short lived conversations. I strolled, basking in the depressing landscape. The ruins and debris of war had been become comforting. I had to admit I wasn’t used to so much quiet, but it gave me some piece. I am not sure I could have handled chaos at this point. 

As I stepped unhurried through the streets, I thought about Nano. His presence was strange, but a different energy in my life. I almost welcomed it. He was quiet and fragile looking. He was the total opposite of me, that it was I liked about him. He made me angry, but I had to be rational. The one I hated was Shiki and I could never get caught up in the noise; I could never lose focus on my life’s enemy. Nano wasn’t the matter, I was just taking my shit out him. The reason being I knew the guy would have endless patience with my dumbass and it wouldn’t be for my cutesy looks. It was relief I didn’t have to put on that act for him. I could be myself around him. It was weird living with the most powerful being on earth and yet never feeling threatened. He never hurt me physically, only the occasional mental combat. But I could handle the ramblings. After all, I have come to know him as the true king. Shiki is the mock king to please the people, Nano is the real King who Shiki could never really dethrone. I was pleased to know that Shiki was not the King and that I had been chosen by the real King. Why King Nano chose me, I will never understand. But he has given me the one true gift, the gift of Shiki’s fear. That was truly irreplaceable. II Re. What a fucking joke. Aribitro had been a great salesman if nothing else. He sold the idea of Shiki as II Re well. Even though he even knew full fucking well Shiki was not, is not and would never be the King.

My thoughts were stopped as I reached the supply booth, I walked up the counter. The guy made uninteresting conversation with me about the soon-war. I wasn’t worried about that right now. I asked for two cases of water and a case of bars. I came up short 4 tags. The guy sneered as I struggled. I had the Line. Was it even worth? I didn’t know. I’m sure Nano did. I struggled, it was either hand over Line or starve. Eventually my small-time moral crusading gave way to the need for survival. I hesitantly pulled out the bag of Line. Showing it to the guy, I almost had him hooting and hollering for joy.   
“Oh fuck, you and that weirdo must be friends. This shit is worth so much, ‘specially now that it’s becoming scarcer. Yet here you are asking for water and food. The end times are really closer than we thinks.” 

“You do what you have to do!” I put on my best fake smile. 

“It doesn’t matter to me, I’ll take it and sell it off at a gouged price.” He took it with glee. “Say, you gave me a decent amount, you need anything else? Don’t worry you gave me enough to cover it all, keep your tags.” He shoved the tags back to me, “If you and that weirdo have Line, I will take that over these stupid tags any day best believe. ‘Specially now that Igura is collapsing. Guess someone must’ve finally defeated II Re.” He chuckled and I ignored him as I focused for a moment, 

“I need a bag and hygiene stuff. Pair of shoes would be nice too, nicest pair you have. 27.5.” This was gonna be so much shit, “Also a palette to drag the shit home, will you?” he nodded, ten minutes later he was back with all the stuff. A pair of sturdy yet lightweight black boots and a dark red backpack. He also brought a small brown box with soap inside, 2 things of tooth paste with matching brushes and a large deodorant. I examined both and found them to be in good condition. I had loaded all the stuff on the rolling palette, when he yelled, 

“Hey! Imma need that back ASAP!” I smiled and waved before turning away. It was a slowly, bumping drag back to Nano. I wanted to deal with what I had just done but didn’t know how. I decided to worry after I had done my tasks for the day. When I got back to Nano’s I hauled everything up in trips, sweating my ass off in the process. Nano wasn’t anywhere in sight until the last trip when the hygiene stuff was brought up. He gave me an eerie stare from around the corner of the green room, before vanishing again. I didn’t have time for this. I immediately hustled the rolling palette back to the supply station and came back. When I got back, I sank into Nano’s couch and breathed relief. 

I had just given away drugs. I shook my head, no, it wasn’t as bad I thought. It wouldn’t matter soon with the war and with the drug ring gone. The only people getting it were likely the last of the addicts dying off. This is what I told myself to deal with the consequences of my actions.   
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
The next weeks brought my skin to a crawl with boredom. I had taken to reading Nano’s books after he’d tossed them inside. Well, the ones in Japanese. As I guessed, by his foreign appearance, Japanese wasn’t his native language. He read a lot of nonfiction and they were of little interest. But, I had nothing better to do and I guess reading all about the history of Japanese empirical philosophies was the answer to my boredom. I took walks a lot, I thought about the war that would be soon. I wondered if this current void would be filled. I did know that once it started, staying in Toshima wouldn’t be an option anymore. I had to talk to Nano, I wanted to tell him what I was planning. I walked into the green room and sat next to him on the couch. 

“Listen, the war is soon, we have to leave. I plan to take the remaining supplies and move outside the city. I heard some guys whisper of an encampment on the northern ridge.” Nano stared me and I looked back, debating what to say next. That’s when he moved over slowly and put his arm around my shoulders and began to pet me. I guess that was my answer. Every so often he did something similar to me, it wasn’t sexual or romantic. I supposed it was his way of expressing attachment to me. I amazed, but we’d basically been living together 2 months now so it wasn’t too weird I guess. “I suppose that is the answer to my question.” A laugh rolled out of me. Over the past few months I had come to welcome him as an ease for loneliness. He was really weird, I had to teach him how to do things wash clothes and open nutrition bars. He was silent, but I didn’t mind the touching, it was gentle. It was his way of saying ‘I can’t be alone again.’ I knew why, I had tried to ask him about Akira, a flash of deep purple sorrow flooded in his eyes. It was just as I had guessed, Akira was his love. Shiki had ripped them apart, a final way of making his dominance known. Akira was Shiki’s trophy. I turned to hug Nano. I gave a slight smile. “I understand.” I tried to pull away, but his iron grip had me for the next few minutes. He then let go and dropped his head down. “It’s fine.” I got up and walked away, I looked back at him, he was staring at a plant. These moments I saw glimpses of emotion from the human weapon. It made me realize the ‘human’ part. It made me feel special for some reason. Akira being taken away by my demon half-brother and Nano living to tell the tell must have been more painful than I could even imagine.   
\-----------------------   
I woke up in the middle of the night to Nano making strange noises. I stood up and felt my way in the darkness to his room. He was asleep yet was making groaning sounds, then a faint ‘I don’t want you’ came from his bed. I went over and gently shook him awake, he opened his eyes instantly. He looked at me in a haze, 

“Hey Nano, what is wrong?” I whispered softly.

“I don’t remember.” I didn’t bother to ask if he was lying. “Why did you wake me?” Our voices were so soft they almost intertwined with the night.   
“You were groaning and talking. I wanted to pull you out of the nightmare realm.” I have no idea why I said it like this or why I even felt that way. He nodded and put his head back down, I let him know something, 

“If you need me to sleep in the bed with you I will.” I then wandered back to the couch and fell back asleep. An unknown amount of time passed before I was awakened to Nano’s dreary face staring at me in the dark. This was his way of letting me know. I got up from the couch and followed him back, laying on his older queen mattress. I didn’t know why I was doing this or why I had even offered to begin with. I felt something stir inside me but I was too sleepy to think about it. We slept on the opposite ends of the bed from each other. I slept well. 

Nano didn’t wake up until sometime late, not like it mattered. Days, hours and months were all mucking into one. At this point we were just waiting for the war to finally start so we could actually ditch this place for greener pastures. Nano huffed when he woke up and I yet again had to show him how to brush his teeth. He once again pets me like a cat as well. I guess he must think I am cute and tolerant him, so I am surely something to be trusted. I wouldn’t do anything to Nano’s detriment. He gently said my name and proceeded to wander out of the apartment off to god knows where. I guess ‘roommate’ is a term one might use, but he was my friend. Probably my best friend. It felt weird, such a roller coaster of emotions. I had gone from boiling rage to moderate intimacy with him. Even now I struggled with my feelings and dealing with this situation. Nevertheless, I told Nano damn near everything, I felt safe with him in a way that was unusual. Like putting all my secrets in a piggy bank where the only way they would ever come out if someone broke it. Nano was my first bond in years. I was glad it was him and not anything romantic. I wasn’t ready. 

“I want to walk today so I can take pictures, you wanna come with?” Nano looked up from his reading silently, then walked over and grabbed my camera, “Hey don’t break that! I can’t replace it right now!” He glanced at me before attempting to look through the wrong end of the lens and tapping on it with his fingers. “Nano, no, I will show you let me have it back.” I took it from him with ease. “Here you look through this way. Then you press this button to turn it on. Press your eye to here and click the button on top and boom, a picture!” Nano gave me a questioning look. “Oh, come with me, you can observe a few times then try for yourself.” I grabbed him by his arm and his ghostly form didn’t protest. When we went to a few places, I thought about taking a picture of Nano, but the lighting wasn’t right. Eventually I found some withering flowers growing up the side of a building which I knew would make a great picture. I offered the camera to Nano and he took it. I gestured at the flowers and said, “Just like how you saw me do it.” He hesitantly held the camera up to his face and clicked, I grabbed the photo and waved it around. I wanted to see the result so badly. When I looked it, the image was fine. It was still and in focus, probably due to Nano’s natural stillness. He looked at me and gave the picture to him. “It’s good for a first try! You will get better with time!” Nano looked at me in the eyes before speaking, 

“You have went from adoration, to hatred and have come to desire my presence? Why is that?” His deep voice passed deep into me. I did not have a good answer. Then I came up with an answer I thought worth giving, 

“Because I have come to know the King and he is true, his power invokes both fear and adoration in me. I will never know all these feelings again.” Nano nodded, he gave me a brief and slight smile. It slipped away quickly but I felt great about it nonetheless. 

Comfortable silence swaddled us and sometime passed with us wandering around aimlessly before the wind became chilly. I turned to him and told him it was time to go back. He followed me from a distance as usual. This was the best day I’d had in years, I’d actually briefly forgot how much I hated my existence. Nano distracted my aching heart for a moment. I wonder if Nano thought he’d ever end with me of all people. He was my dead opposite. But it worked for the most part. We climbed the stairs and Nano gave me a look before going to the green room. I looked through the pictures I’d taken. But the only one I really liked was Nano’s. I don’t know, the guy was such a mystery that it seemed like I’d have to preserve any parts of him I got hold of carefully. Something caught my eye, I looked over to see a small gathering of silver hair in the couch. I picked it up, Akira was here. Somehow Nano’s pain became more real to me in that moment. Akira was in this space, with Nano, experiencing intimacy. Shiki had broken a bond that was everything to Nano. He had done to Nano what he did to me except on a somehow crueler scale. That’s the reason he originally had me on the floor. I pushed the hair into the couch. It would act like the corpse of Akira, here the memory of the good guy Akira would lay. The guy who had saved me from killing myself and the guy who could feel empathy for Nano to the point of romantic love. That Akira was worth keeping in memory, not whatever monster Shiki would turn him into. I looked to the green room, still holding my camera. I saw Nano with his forehead pressed to the glass on the far side of the green room. His face lit up briefly by a blueish sunset. I crept closer and snapped. The lighting, the mood, everything….

I had the perfect picture of Nicole Premier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew how I wrote 4,645 words about this is is really a testament. Next chapter will be them leaving Toshima and talking about the war, then watching Shiki rise. This again, isn't quite how I wanted, but it is pretty close. I figured I needed to make the time cuts I did in order to not have 6 chapters about nothing other than Rin being angsty and wallowing. I really want to get the good parts of this story. This might be a decision I regret later, oh well. Your feedback is still wanted. This is my passion fanfiction after all.


	3. Existence of the Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nano and Rin are friends. Song mentioned: Phildel- Mistakes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seldom edited this, I am just happy to finally get the thing published.

                                                            

  The war started with a bang, a far-off gunshot. And then more and more. We had to get out before we were invaded and taken. They would sure love to see Nano alive, I bet. But I had to get him out. So, the day we heard the first shot near the building, we ran out. Way out North, I knew it would take a few days. Nano ended up packing a majority of stuff, given he could do it with ease and without getting exhausted. We were lucky to have left when we did, we had to sneak around soldiers. As soon as we had put a decent amount of distance between Toshima and ourselves we rested to the side of the winding road that led out of the city and onto the ruins of the villages that marked the ‘suburbs’ of Toshima. As far as I knew, the only one of these villages still being occupied was the one highest up. This road was thick with debris and dead plants, it snaked up onto a rocky mountain side overlooking the ocean. There, we would find the camp of those who survived the war and escaped when Igura began. The darkness cloaked us, and I shuffled over to Nano after I had created a small fire a decent way from the immediate view of the road. We looked at each other mournfully and then hugged.

 “Oh, I know. But you knew it would come to this.” I said trying to reason with him, Nano rested his head on my shoulder, “You are the most powerful thing on this earth.” I said that, but I knew that wasn’t what the current problem was. “I know you think he’s surely dead. But, we can’t know that for a fact right now.” It was nearly 4 months after the incident and Nano was still strung up on thoughts of Akira. The truth is, if he was alive, he was with Shiki. I didn’t know what was worse. Nano had given me this jacket with a fluffy collar was that about a size too big. It looked like Akira’s, just different material and dark grey instead of dark green. I didn’t question where it came from. Nano let go of me, gazed into my eyes for a moment before laying down. He wasn’t wearing his usual beige. He had traded it out for some dark green and black clothes. The new look was a welcomed change. He actually looked like a person now. He was getting better at communicating some feelings to me as well. They were slight and tended to fade pretty quickly. But it was enough for me.

I laid down next to him, staring at his back as he breathed. I was getting very attached to him. Like Keisuke had been to Akira. I had stopped fighting it. He and I were a team. Granted I still looked like a tiny weakling next to him, he didn’t seem to mind. He went along with me and didn’t do anything to hurt me or deceive me. It was weird, in Nano I found what I had always wanted Shiki to be. I adored him, like he was my spiritual brother. I thought about how recently, I got into a fight with a guy who tried to jump me for the Line in my pockets. Nano had been following apparently to tell me something and he broke the guy’s neck. I felt honor and horror. The sounds of battle were far off and sparse as the night grew blacker. Thinking of the memories I had of Nano for the last 4 months. I asked him a question, softly,

“Nano, you awake?” He turned over to face me, with semi-sleepy eyes. The worrying about Akira was getting the better of him right now. “Why did you save me when that guy attacked me? Why have you chosen me to be the one you stay with?”  

“I cannot allow Rin to be taken from me.” And then he turned away again. I was glowing for a moment before I too, turned away. I closed my eyes as I tried to contain my delight. Nano had said that about me! I had to be careful not to get too caught up in the rush.  It wasn’t an answer that would have satisfied me before. But now that I had come to know him, I understood what it meant. After the glow wore off, I fell asleep.

The morning found me tenderly embraced by the scent of smoke and a light grey sky. Nano wasn’t awake, He must have been tossing and turning with anxiety over Akira all night. I was just barely waking, looking to my jacket tossed the side. I decided to sing, why I don’t know, but I felt it. It was quiet and mingled with late morning, I dare not wake him,

_“Time is always, harder on the quiet days,_

_Brings back up that old sacrifice:_

_You’ve cost me more than I ever knew before,_

_And looking back I cannot deny._

_Need you like I need a headache,_

_Need you like I need my mistakes._

_Need you like I need a downpour,_

_I don’t need you but I need so much more.”_

From the bushes came a rustling, I was suddenly silent and on guard. When cat came creeping out. The cat had a white body and light brown tipped ears and tail. Along with a touch of a goldish color on the crown of it’s head. It looked at me with suspicious amber eyes. It sniffed the air before getting distracted by some wind and bounding off.  Nano finally stirred after several more minutes. I sat up and dug through my bag. Once I found my tooth brush I gave my mouth a once over just kill the smell. Nano followed the same motions soon after. After he did so, he spoke,

“That song…was it for me?” Oh fuck, he had heard me singing,

“I’m sorry for bothering you…”

“It did not bother me…but was it for me?” If he meant the actual words, no. .

“No, it was about…. you know who.” I gave him a weary look.

“Your voice entered my head. I did not mind.” Oh, so I had a good singing voice according to Nano now, “I will be sure to remind you to be careful.”

“Okay I get it.” _Be careful._ Nano’s expressionless face went to prepping for the day’s journey and I did the same. Soon we were all packed up again and on the move towards the highest point on the northern ridge. I was thinking a lot, I never told Nano I was the head of Pesca Corsica or about Kazui. The ladder I am sure he would find interesting, the former however…to someone as powerful as Nano I am sure my Bl@ster small time fame was nothing. There was such a void, I had once believed myself to be a powerful fighter, someone who was meant to be a great leader. Until I met Nano. My perspective is so bleak, I can kill 6 men with the flick of my wrist yet that is nothing compared to the slaughter of an entire sectors of an army. My blood wasn’t any good yet his was the most powerful steroid known to man.  A disturbing thought went down my spine and shook me down…this is must have been what Shiki felt. No, that was wrong. Shiki couldn’t feel the way I can. I can have empathy, cry, fall in love and be kind…and I could have enough humility to be liked by Nicole Premier. I looked forward at Nano’s back and let out a gust of air. What exactly were we? I was afraid of the answer, I shook my head not wanting to know. I turned to look over at the shrinking Toshima, wondering how it all came here. Was it when that void that Kazui and my team left when my brother murdered became part of me? Was it when I joined Igura? Was it the moment I say the seductive figure of Akira? Or was it the moment I became the favorite of Nicole Premier? I was thinking too much. It’s not like the how mattered. Would I abandon Nano if it meant I could change just one thing? The only thing I would change would be the thing that played with me even though he knew I was in love with him: Kazui. I always wanted to know if the reason he accepted sex was because he loved me back. But, could I live with myself if I knew the true answer? I never did tell him that I loved him. Looking over the right side of the winding road, the light breeze blew my hair. I became a feather and I was knocked over, I began to cry. Nano didn’t make it very far before he noticed and approached me,

“Rin, what is it going on? There is no time, I do not understand.” Nano’s deep voice was welcomed by me, it stopped Kazui’s voice for a moment. I continued to softly weep and not give him any explanation. He dragged me into some nearby bushes and laid me down. His stare was deep, the abyss of his hazy blue eyes immense. “Rin, we must go.”

“Nano, I can’t….”

“What is this you are doing?”

“Huh? What?” Did he just say that? I was crying!  “Crying! What the fuck?”

“Why are you doing that?”

“Because everything is shit.”

“How so? You are not alone like before.” I was expecting the guy trained to have no emotions to be connected to me right now. I was being an idiot.

“Oh Nano, I will tell you because I know you aren’t gonna fuck me over…. I have nothing to lose anymore... Akira looks exactly like the guy I loved, Kazui, who Shiki cut down in cold blood! Akira saved me when he caught me trying to get Shiki to kill me the first time…. “ I said it all breathlessly, finally, “I was thinking of all that was happened. When I saw Shiki with Akira, it was like, not only had he killed the one I loved, but now he takes his ghost! It was like watching Kazui be with that piece of shit instead of me!”, Nano looked away from me and there was a few more moment of just crying before I calmed myself. Nano slowly looked back at me,   


“If I find Akira again, you will not stand in my way. I need Akira before I care about you.” There was a brief flash of aggression across his face.

“No Nano, please, that isn’t what I meant!” He gave me a narrow-eyed look, “I meant like, it hurt because I miss my dead love and Akira happens to be his likeness. Not that I intend to take Akira from you. I know how much you love Akira, I wouldn’t ever get in the way...” Nano looked away again for a moment before his soft tone rose above my episode of anguish,

“I cannot deny your raw emotion… I have tried to understand why you stay beside me…. I suppose I will have to understand you are not malicious…despite what I have done to you, you still stay with me and even help me…. someone with me instead of against me…I will continue to keep you and stop such thoughts.” Nano apparently had been waiting for me to jump and had finally realized the moment wasn’t coming. I don’t want Akira, I feel Nano is probably a better match for him than me anyways. Nano stands and helps me up with him. For a moment I feel his awesome power. I follow him until sundown on the rocky road in silence. We make another camp. I sat down while, Nano stands on the other side of the flame and asks softly, “Why do you care so much?”  


“About what?” I said bleakly, I wasn’t really invested in whatever he was on about right now.

 “About me.” Oh, an intense question, once again, I had no answer. I wasn’t deeply in touch with my feelings on the subject.

“I told you, Nano, when I saw that look- “

“That is not the whole truth.” he cut me off and I glared at him.

“If you won’t accept it, it’s not my problem.” I stated coldly, I watched his face as he was thinking. He didn’t reply to me and instead opted to sleep. He was leaving me with myself. The safety of the little world we created in that apartment was gone. It was tedious, but I didn’t want to leave still. Nano…how does the flame you give me never die?

When we reached the camp nestled in a concave section on the cliff. I could smell and hear the sea. It was pleasant, especially with some trees still standing guard. The actual settlement was shitty looking, but I loved the location. Nano had a curious face the whole time, he’d probably never known the sea. The problems we had along the way melted. There was no use being that way with each other. He was all I had, my only thing of value as of late. We got lots of stares, but generally there wasn’t a protest. It was rinky-dink, many tents and barrels of fire. The higher-ranking members of the group had already occupied the nicer cottages. It was hard to tell the exact social structure, but it didn’t matter to me. I wanted a cottage. I made a complaint about this to the manager of the homes. The big, muscly guy hit on me. His office was a small, smelly shack with not much to note of. I took his advances because I knew I’d get what I wanted from it. I did the talking and left Nano outside, he was the big guns and I didn’t need him right now. I mentioned I had a companion and the manager said it was fine. When I walked out, the manager commented on Nano’s ‘exotic’ beauty. I understood why others found him nice looking. I, however, never paid attention to him in that way and never would.

We were lead past the tent circle and past some run-down homes. The manager explained each one had running water and electricity, they had managed to use the ocean to make these things happen. We were led past a lot of homes with peeling pastel paint that I imagined were ugly even in their heyday. This was obviously previously for rich people, gaudy homes and cottages right out facing the fierce Japanese sea. We reached our new place, a medium sized home with all the paint stripped of it and dead plants in the yard. Nano touched my back and I turned my head making a reassuring face at him.

“Nobody wanted this place before because of how far away it is from the main section of the community. We are all close here, it’s been a while since we saw someone new. Outsiders we are, too old and unimportant to engage down in the city. I am assuming the war brings you? Usually, this wouldn’t be a first stop, given the location. I can’t say I mind some youth here. You both seem like you won’t cause no trouble.” God, this guy was going on and I was struggling to keep my cutesy persona up. I was tired, and Nano wouldn’t quit touching me.

“Okay, okay, we are tired…I need some rest from the long journey!” The manager made some generic comment about coming if we needed anything, tossed me the keys and left. Nano and I both went inside. It was mostly barren expect for some basic furniture and some basic supplies in the corner. I was just happy to see it had two bedrooms with beds.  I set my things down and breathed a sigh of relief. Nano almost immediately went for a shower and when he got out he went right to sleep. I took a shower after, scrubbing myself of the smell I was starting to develop before watching night fall from the couch in the living room. I dragged myself to bed as soon as the sunset hit and slept like a baby.

The morning found me well rested, I loved sleeping on a real bed. Was Nano awake? I didn’t know, and I wasn’t ready to talk. After using the kitchen sink to brush my teeth I went and stood out in the salty air. It was slightly humid, and I was comfortable. I looked over the ocean and the grey sky. Feeling at peace, I got lost in time briefly until I heard rustling. I looked behind me to see Nano petting that brown and white cat I had seen before, so that is what he was doing. I wish I had my camera with me. I estimated whether I’d be able to get inside and get out of the house with the camera fast enough. I decided to try, Nano noticed and gave me look. But he was way too into the cat to care about what I was doing. I managed to get the camera and out in time. Nano had moved farther away but I was able to get a picture without any trouble. I then went back in the house to eat, Nano took a while before he came in.

“You know they called me tomcat and you like cats, any connection?” I joked, Nano gave me his usual blank stare. I unwrapped a bar and handed it to him. After we both finished I had an idea, I wanted a picture of myself with Nano. I figured the mockery would be too good to be true. I thought of the look my piece of shit brother would have on his face and I grinned manically. “Nano, come here.” He did as he was asked and sat beside me on the couch. I held up the camera and took the picture. Our faces were priceless, I was grinning like an insane person and he was looking at the camera like it was serious business. I loved it. I wrote ‘n and r’ on the back. Placing on the stand that was holding up a lap, I turned to him. I knew we had to discuss something important. There would never be a ‘right time’ so I chose now.

“How are we going to find them…?” Those words almost seemed to drift aimlessly through the air. Nano was silent, his eyes unfocused wanderers.

“He will come out eventually…. his own arrogance won’t allow him to stay in the shadows. I suspect he chases my ghost…” Nano said quietly, I didn’t need further explanation. I understood perfectly what he was saying. I could fill in the blanks easily. I thought about what my reaction would be when I saw Akira again. All the possibilities…I was swimming and I hated it. I knew what I needed to do to distract myself. I stood up and left Nano as he was. I walked down the tent circle, where I began initiating the guys there.

I had managed to befriend most of the guys in the main part of the encampment, it took me a few weeks though. They were all gruffy and resentful of the manager blessing me with a house. They got over it though, I used my good looks and fluffed up my gayness. A true charmer I could be. I walked back to Nano through the dark, when I got there he was still awake. He had occupied himself with a book, it was in a language I didn’t understand. After I undressed to a comfortable point, I sat beside him. I leaned on his shoulder. He made no mood to stop me, his presence calmed me. There were no secrets between us. He understood the language of my pain the way no one else ever had. I was grateful, on top of it all, I never felt disgusting for liking men around him either. He likes guys too, so I never had to worry about the judgement around him.  It was nice in moments like this. His breathing was soft, and ocean was gently swishing from below. I felt my eyes fluttering and my whole body relaxing…

 -

 When I woke up later in the evening I was in bed with the sheet over me, Nano had…. I fell asleep on him. I wonder how long I had rested on him before he moved me. I got up and creeped a peak into his room. He was deep asleep. I went back to my room and thought about everything. I was having an eerie sexual feeling, not for Nano, but in general. I hadn’t had sex or seen a good-looking guy who was my type in months. I ended up masturbating and using some dirty shirt of mine to clean it up. It was deeply unsatisfying, and I instantly wished I hadn’t had done it. It reminded me of how guys never wanted me as a boyfriend and how I was ‘cute enough to experiment with’ but they were ‘straight’. My fucking ass, how can you go back to your girlfriend after fucking a guy and still be so confident? I was a ‘cute’ cumrag for guys for so long. I was bitter still, but glad I gave that all up. It fucking sucked always being some asshole’s dirty little secret. I hated being treated like that. And then I finally fall in love and I am getting somewhere, and I get him murdered! Everything was fuckery. I glared at the wall just thinking about it….  I wrestled with myself for a bit before I was finally able to get peace enough to go back to sleep. I had to repress these thoughts, or I wouldn’t even make it through the days.

   An unknown about of time had passed before the soldiers came. Their message was frightening, they spoke of a leader. How great and power this leader had been in destroying both the CFC and Nikkuron. I wanted to know the leader’s name, but the soldier said it didn’t matter right now, there was still much work to be done. He also said that in a few weeks, in a nearby former sports arena, there would be a rally to see the leader. I wondered who it could be and there was much chatter in the camp. I didn’t engage because the message was so awful I needed time alone with it. Nano didn’t have a reaction, like usual. I went in my room to stew about it before coming out to check on Nano, who spoke as soon as my mouth began to move.

“He will not see us, I will protect you.” Oh no he didn’t mean…” Your face tells me you have fear, I can tell you, your fears are true…it is the fool.” Nano spoke like he knew it was Shiki for a fact, and even though I knew Nano to be right, I still denied,

“No, you can’t know that! What if it’s someone else…”

“Do not be a fool for fear.” Nano stated coldly, he wasn’t afraid, obviously. But he was convinced that Akira was dead. I did not believe he was dead, for whatever reason. I wasn’t going to argue with him about it. We were both suffering, and it wouldn’t get me anywhere. Nano had that way about him, that certain way, that ushered me into silence no matter what. He wandered off outside shortly after that while I sat down. I could hear my heart beat in my ears, the living room went in and out of focus. I had to get my bed, but what was mere feet away seemed like miles. I had to get there, this couch was too small to lay down. I struggled to get up, my legs were shaking like a newborn calf. I used the couch, then the wall to creep slowly to my room. My heart was throbbing, I hallucinated Kazui holding me up. He whispered to me: _‘my favorite person._ ’ When I threw myself on the bed, I was happy for a moment. I wasn’t in a borrowed home with Nano, there never was Igura or Shiki, there was never Akira. I was in the arms of my love and I felt powerful. Just like back then. I was afraid of waking up and losing Kazui again, I wanted to tell him I loved him. I blacked out before that was possible.

The rally was soon, to see the new leader. We talked about going with the group, but I explained how I was the only one Nano really liked. The truth was, Nano did a lot of weird shit and I didn’t want people to start asking questions. Lately, I had been sneaking around and listening to the whispers. I was trying to get information. There were only vague descriptions and endless speculation for a while. That wasn’t of any use, I needed to know now.

Nano had recently been requesting more and more to sleep in his bed with him. I think this whole uprising thing has him shaken. This false sense of quiet we have created must have been of great comfort to him. Most of time, male friends are not affectionate. He was different, he liked to hug me and have me do things with him. It was just another facet of his weird. I am guessing this was a result of being happy to have a human friend. He was a lab grown freak after all. He did not know proper social call and did not sense emotions well. This type of ignorance was both cute and fearful. The same thing that made him such a decent friend was the same thing that made him a powerful killer. No, not killer, Nano wasn’t inherently blood thirsty or evil. He was a human weapon, a beautifully designed puppet for the war machine. The guy wasn’t actually all that dangerous in most situations. In fact, if you didn’t know better, you might say he’s gentle or fragile. I was intimidated and blessed by him. Nano was an affectionate friend without being flirtish, that was nice. 

The sunset and I dressed in all black, the fire in the center of the camp burned brightly. Everybody gathered around it, while I hid the night. They didn’t really want to tell me things, so I had to hide. As I crept behind rocks and blocked out the sound of the ocean, I listened hard. I saw their gruffy faces it up by the flames. At first it was just more speculation and theories that made the men shutter. They did not bother me. I knew to only believe what I knew to be true. Then from the dark, words which made a pit in my stomach. I knew Nano wouldn’t believe what I just heard or probably tell me, because I didn’t know anything about military life, that what I heard wasn’t unusual. I swore that if I was wrong it was a long shot. But it made Nano feel good to deny it….

“I heard there was another one with the new leader, he won’t say his name and he never talks, everybody says he’s the leader’s favorite.” A guy in his late 20s with a regional accent I didn’t recognize said. Nano couldn’t deny the truth that was in front of he and I. Akira was alive and he belonged to Shiki. Everything inside me felt awful. I stayed a bit longer to try and skim something more important, that was fruitless. I left with a bad feeling inside me. The rally was in a few days and I knew Nano would not be having a good reaction. Oh, who was I kidding, I was about to be full of rage like never before. I wondered if Nano was at the point of hating Shiki. I didn’t ask because it didn’t matter to me. I wanted to avoid talking about feelings as much as possible with him.

  As I made my way back home, I discovered Nano was in his room with the light on. I had snuck out without any warning, maybe he was worried. No, that was too egoistical for me to think. The soft yellow glow of the lamps in the house were inviting to relaxation like old peoples’ reading rooms. They wanted you to be calm and for your rage to be left back in the flames down the road. I wanted Nano to believe me. He wouldn’t. I didn’t understand him, and I couldn’t pierce through his abyss to pull him out.   

 I was wallowing, I called it prep for misery, but Nano would have called it wallowing.  I wanted to deal with this, but I could not. I wanted to replay how my life had to come to this again over in my head. It was useless, pain and no gain. While my mind was busy being scattered to the wind. Nano appeared, I was surprised he wasn’t asleep. He stared at me and snippily asked what he wanted. He did not reply, instead, he touched my shoulder. What was his deal? He was in a mood, he was needy for whatever reason. I looked at him with exhaustion filling me, I wanted to say the words. Nano knew what I was thinking. I nodded and stood up, following him into his room. I stripped down to my underwear and crawled in bed, closing my eyes. Soon I felt the bed squeak down beside me and the lights clicked off. Nano almost immediately fell asleep. I had to watch him for a moment to relax, before I was also able to sleep.


	4. The Vow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nano is sad and Rin is kinda gay for him because of it. End of part 1.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First person POV Nano is really hard.

                                                                

   All around me were the screams and cheers, the overcast threatening to open the sky at any moment. This crumbling stadium looked ready to crush us. I felt Rin’s grip on my arm, we were fearing the result of this rally. I dreaded what I knew to be true, Akira was with Shiki. I knew Rin was not pleased either, he had been on edge during the days leading up to this. The grey sky itself seemed to quake for the answer as well. I look around to see the red flag of the new regime, the screams of the word ‘emperor’ were all enveloping. I already knew I would have to quell my blond friend’s rage. Neither one of us had seen ourselves surviving Shiki’s attacks and now, here we were. Alive, side by side. We would never be ready to see the true horror that awaited us right now. Rin’s head hung low, he was trying to block out the noise. He was intimidated by the crowd, I was fearful of when the crowd would go silent. I had learned to be afraid of emotions. I had been falling in love with Akira and it still survived powerfully in my heart. I knew if I saw him up there with that idiot I had surely would feel something. Similar to how I had felt when I had seen Emma again. My heart was broken, and I could not deal with it.

 The crowd went silent and the wind blew almost to accuse me of being the fool. Here I was, I had made Rin live because of his gall and now we were both wearing hoods to conceal our identity. Despite what was surely awaiting, I did not feel this was a mistake. I had to see it in person, Rin told me it would make me feel something. He had taught me how to do some things with feelings. I could now experience being mildly upset or having brief flashes of ‘joy’. I was merely reflecting Rin. His emotions were all powerful in a way I had never known. He was passionate and made of fire. It was why I liked him so much, he was fascinating and emotional. I noticed the crowd was beginning to settle, I felt myself sinking about ten feet into the ground. Rin looked up, his eyes focused on the rolling stage. He was quivering, and his dug his nails into my arms. A man in a uniform, which bore the same symbol as on the red flags people were waving, stood to stand. He was gleeful as he spoke,

 “Ladies and gentlemen, we all know what we are here for!” The man raised his hands and sent waves of noise through the crowds. Silence gripped Rin and I. We were bracing, “Now the man who needs no introduction, Shiki!” The blood rushed through me and I heard an audible growl from Rin. Shiki walked on stage with the clapping of all the idiots around us to greet him, his fitted general dark green uniform and gold impressed katana sheath not surprising me a bit. His walk was as tall and proud as ever, his red eyes filled will with arrogance. He was not of interest, he was still the same waste of space he had always been to me. It was who I saw behind him that created a dull throb in my chest: Akira. There he stood, with in uniform and white gloves. He didn’t walk proud like Shiki did, but he did walk with strength. His hat concealing the upper half of his face. I suddenly privileged to be able to see his eyes.  I had the feeling of wanting to go up and grab him away from Shiki. It was Rin who was my anchor, if rage could physically manifest outside of one’s own mind, he would be an erupting volcano. I needed to protect Rin and it was not as though Akira was an option anyways.

“My subjects, I am here today to announce the fall of both sides of the war! Soon it will be my time!” Shiki continued on, but I choose to not listen and opted for staring at Akira. He did not see and would not see. But I felt inconceivable sorrow in my chest as every memory came back. The way he had helped me in the theater, the way he let me put my hands all over him without flinching…I struggled to reason with my suffering. I was being pitiful, and I had to work for a moment to get rid of it. Shiki must have said something volatile because I had to grab Rin and cover his mouth to keep his screams at bay. He bucked but my grip was all powerful and he eventually just stayed still. I couldn’t have him blowing our cover, he was too emotional right now. I guess he wasn’t as prepared he thought. His blue eyes were filled with unfiltered hate. Hate like I had never truly known. I went back to focusing on Akira and I heard a strike of thunder. Then, the sky began to open up. Shiki’s ramblings were crazy, and I understood why these people liked him for leader. They did not understand anything; they would certainly would never understand him the way Rin and myself did. The rain began to pour down and soak my clothes. I was becoming cold and wanted this to end. Eventually, it did end. I watched as Shiki put his hand on Akira’s back and was speaking to him lowly. Everybody evaporated around me, but I watched until I could no longer see Akira. My hands fell away, and Rin was free, he took in a strained breath against the rain as he kneeled over.

“Thank you.” He chocked and looked up at me, his sadness was gripping him as we made eye contact. Rin began to walk away, but I was feeling frozen in my place. He got some distance away from me before coming back and taking my arm, “Please, Nano…” He spoke my name quietly, he was protecting me like he had a thousand times before. I did not understand this part of our relationship, I did not want to. He guided me home, almost dragging me. What did I want to stand there for? So he and Akira could have the privilege of cutting me down, again? I went in our home and shed my wet clothes. I did not care if Rin saw me like that. I put on other clothes just like Rin had taught me and walked back out in the living room. Rin’s face was trembling, “Nano…oh my god, Nano.” He started to cry, and I sat beside him on the couch. He clung to me, making my new shirt wet with his tears. I leaned back, and he followed me down, I don’t know how long he cried on me, it didn’t matter. I had patience for him, all the time in the world. The rain softly pitter pattered on our home. After the weeping stopped, he laid his head against my chest and sniffled. His face was puffy and red, I decided to not move him.  He eventually fell asleep, he trusts me without a doubt. It was frightening sometimes just how much he trusts me. I pet his head and it disturbed him. He sat up “Ah Nano, I have something to say to you…”

“I am listening.”

“When I saw your gaze fixated on Akira I realized something…I will never do what they did to you. I will always be your side, you can count me.” I nodded but I did not fully believe him. He stood and went to his room in silence. My eye were his followers each time he left me to be by myself.

* * *

 

 The news of reconstruction for Shiki’s regime was delivered to me by Rin. He gave it with hate filling his voice. Half of the Japanese islands had been seized by Shiki’s men already, including my home with Rin. There was talk a float of the entirety of Japan giving all regional power for Shiki’s regime. Rin moaned and I knew it to be a reality. We were soon to enter a period of greater darkness than one before it. I could have almost laughed at the destruction I had ended up causing. I did not. I had paid what I viewed to be a price not worth it: Akira. I would give it all up to be once more with him. Rin came in and smacked a newspaper down in front of me. This really was a new era, no more word of mouth, print was back. He glared, but not at me. He was getting tall and his hair was growing out. He did not know it, but it was an improvement.

 “This is fucking bullshit, Nano, now all of Japan is ruled by Shiki.” I did not know what my friend wanted me to do about it. I read the cover, ‘Southern and Western zones to give up control to Emperor Shiki!’ Right behind the idiot was Akira. I felt something akin to sadness for a brief moment. Rin sat beside me, “Well what are we going to do?”

“Wait.”

“Wait?! Nano, that’s all we’ve been doing for the past 8 months! We have to be able to do something!”

“Calm yourself, Rin, the time is soon.” I knew Shiki would not keep Akira a secret forever. He was sure to have some showy display of possession. Akira was a priced stolen gem after all, infinitely more valuable than anyone knew. I know he does not love Akira, it was merely a jab at me. A final stab after my perceived death. Once he exposed Akira as a weak point for all the world to see, that’s when the time would be. It shouldn’t have been long now.

“What time?” Rin was frantic, I had to soothe him. He was going to get us both killed and what then? We would never achieve our goals. I picked up the newspaper and gave to him, my eyes on the picture, “Akira?” his questioning voice was soft. I stared at him and at last he smiled. He wrapped his arms arounds me and gave me a squeeze, “Oh Nano, I should know better than to doubt you.” He whispered in my ear. Then something bizarre happened, he kissed me on the cheek. I looked at him as he pulled away and hurried back outside. I touched my cheek and wondered what just happen.

* * *

 

 I was awoken by the sound of a blast and a flash of light outside. I knew what was happening: a last stand by the resistance against Shiki. I wanted to tell Rin, I rose up and put my clothes on. When I went to go wake up in his bed, he was not there. That was strange, he was usually here this time of night. I looked in the living room and he was not there either. Another blast, this time right outside our home. They were targeting the cliff side, trying to take down the whole settlement. Luckily, they were not very good shots and had very little combat experience, I could tell. Then again, nobody knew combat like I did. I walked outside, terrible shrieks filled the air and smoke blocked the stars. There was fire blazing everywhere around me and as I walked down the path, mangled bloody corpses surrounded me. The scent of burning flesh invaded every single of my senses, the smoke was not kind to my eyes. The trees smoldered and fell into the ocean below. I was used to this being my work, thus my calm was never lost. This image had invaded me numerous times and now, when most would have been shaking, I felt nothing about it.

I looked for Rin and found him. He was bloody and breathing heavily. As I approached him he coughed up blood, I bend down to him. I picked him up and he gasped for air. Tears rolled down his face and he clung to me,

“Oh my god, it came all at once….” Rin’s voice was ragged and faint. I held him close and looked up to see two officers point their swords at me. I did not even flinch. I could break those weak swords in half with my teeth and send the half in my mouth back flying into their chests. My eyes slowly went between the two.

“Are you members of the resistance?” One of the officers barked but yet his voice was still distant to me,

“No.”

“How can we be sure?!”

“I more worried about my friend than the royalty. Praise Emperor Shiki indeed.” I spoke, they both had looks of confusion but believed me. They brought in a stretcher for Rin,

“Oh my god please let him go with me!!” Rin cried. I looked at the medics, they shrugged and let me go with him. He grabbed onto my hand the whole time as we were led right back into Toshima.

* * *

 

 The whole hospital was resurrecting every poisonous memory I had. The nurse was entirely too sweet, and I found her fakery to be annoying. They had Rin attached to every beeping machine and IV bag they had it seemed.  The white walls and fluorescent lights made the scars on my body itch. I did not like it here, I had killed to get out of a place like this. Yet, Rin had handed over what happens to him to me. I stayed with him. He was comatose, and the doctor said he would be surprised if ever he woke up. Shiki’s laws said that anyone who had not woken up from a coma within one month was to be pulled and buried. I was given the paperwork and I tossed it aside the moment the hospital staff was gone. As I stared at my friend’s pale and discolored face I came to a stand still with myself. I believe everyone has a destiny and that if Rin was meant to die he would.

 But the memory of that day we met invaded me. When I woke up and saw his breathing, almost dead form laying right beside me. I had felt something indescribable. It was like my connection to him was instant. I had wanted him to live. Why? I do not know why I had felt Rin so deeply that day and ever since. Akira’s words to me about nothing being set in stone rang my ears. I looked inside myself and found no answers. Rin’s clothes were folded inside the bed side table between my chair and his body. I reached over and got them out. I held a piece up my nose and sniffed it, only for a piece of paper to fall out. I picked it up and unfolded it. A few more pieces came undone with it. I looked at them, they were not paper. Rather pictures. Of me.

There was one picture that was both Rin and I, but of the 5, 4 of them were just me. One picture he had drawn a cartoon crown above my head and had written the words: ‘The King!’ on the back. A smile flickered across my face. That amused me. But, more tenderly, he had taken a picture of me back when we were living in Toshima and wrote: ‘We’re not that different, you know.’ It made my chest stir.  I folded the pictures back and placed them in my pocket. Shoving the half burnt and bloody clothing back the drawer. I looked at Rin and then rolled my head back to fall asleep

* * *

 

 I slept in that room for a week next to him, wrestling with myself on what to do. As I read the book they had gave me, I could not stop thinking about what Rin had wrote on that picture: ‘We’re not that different you know.’ Every so often I laid my head on Rin’s chest, just to make sure he was still alive. I overheard a nurse say it was sad to watch me. I heard cheers outside which distracted me from my thoughts, I looked towards the window. A nurse came bursting in and threw a newspaper at me. She had a smile on her face,

“Oh, good news for the kingdom, Emperor Shiki is marrying his right-hand man Akira!” She was all too happy and I felt my chest stir with what Rin had told me was anger. She closed the door with a bang as I read the cover. I saw Akira, who didn’t look so happy, holding hands with Shiki. A simple braided band was wrapped around the ring finger on Akira’s left hand. It was true, that was an engagement ring. I looked to Rin and the answer to my problems was obvious suddenly. I felt lucid, the next action I took I myself do not understand nor even fully recognize that I did. I stood, opened the top drawer of the bedside table and rustled around for an empty syringe. I pulled up my sleeve once I had found my target object and stuck the needle in my arm, pulling it out as it filled with my blood. Rin, that day I gave you life I made a vow we’d die together. I do not know what motivated me that day, but something truly special must have. And now I will do the same, your duties are not done. Your debts have not been paid. I stared at his body and tapped the head of the syringe. Your brother wanted this so bad that he left the scars of his teeth on my body to get it; but now, I give to you without even a hint of a wish.  I pierced the needle into Rin’s jugular and took a breath,

“You will be right in your musings now. You shall now know the devil as I do.” I pushed the syringe down and watched as it slowly emptied into Rin. Nothing for a few minutes, then the heart monitor started to beep wildly…

Rin jolted and his eyes shot open.  

**Author's Note:**

> I am aware that Shiki missing the kills wouldn't be canon. But that is why it is an AU. This is not to be of concern, as this is the only real mod I had to make to Shiki to make this plot work. This first chapter isn't perfect by any stretch. I am not totally happy with it. But the first chapters of a story are always the hardest. Please let me know some stuff below if I can make this plot better or making my writing more pleasurable. This first part will likely not contain any BL scenes. It is mostly about Rin and Nano becoming partners and how they witness Shiki's rise. Part 1 will be the shortest.


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